Friday, January 27, 2006

I never thought i would have trouble coping as a mum. I never thought it would be easy, that is just stupid but i always thought i would cope ok. I mean, everyone else seems to be ok, right?
Its coming up to 2 years since Ethan was born. And i'm finding out everyday that i am not coping. The older he gets the harder it is. Well maybe it was always hard but now the problems are different.

When he was born it was the sleeping issue. He wouldn't sleep well, he had to be rocked or nursed to sleep. So i would spend hours upon hours in the middle of the night rocking him in his pram. Sometimes he would wake up every 1 1/2 hours all throught the night.
The poor little tyke spent about the first 6 mths sleeping in his pram. Now he sees it and starts crying. No wonder. He never started sleeping through the night until he was over 1 yr. I want to slap those mothers who brag because their 6 wk old baby is sleeping through.He also screamed alot because he had horrible wind.

Now its the tantrums. His tantrums started at about 8mths ,much to our horror. So much for the 'terrible twos'. He pretty much hasn't stopped since then. The more indepentant he became the more tanties he would throw. He went through the phase that getting his nappy changed was like trying to pull teeth! Almost impossible. As soon as i picked him up he would start trying to head butt me, then if that didn't work(because i would dodge him) he would start slapping me in the face or biting me on the shoulder. Of course once i got him on his change table he would kick me several times in the stomach and struggle the whole time while i changed his nappy. Repeat this procedure about 4-5 times a day and you have one very annoyed mum. He has settled down in the last couple of weeks when it comes to his nappy changing. I am trying to toilet train him a bit, well, at least get him to tell me when he's done a poo. He actually, a couple of times, has grabbed my hand and taken me to the change table so i can change it! Hopefully the days of being beaten up by my toddler are over. He also bangs his head on the ground when he's upset. The other day he did it because we were out on the deck and i went inside to make him lunch. I hear a huge bang and lots of crying. I went out and he had this huge mark on his forehead. It was blood under the skin. He almost always has a bruise on there. I have tried to help him so that he wont do that, but obviously i know nothing because he still does it all the time.

My husband at present is in hospital, having had his appendix taken out today. So after spending 5 hours in Emergency last night, most of that time with a cranky, tired and sometimes screaming toddler i am ready to tear my hair out. There was a women in there with her 4 daughters waiting for hours. She didn't look frazzled at all!! And here i was just struggling with one! My mum and my husband were there with me and i still felt like i just can't cope!
What on earth is wrong with me?
My house is a mess and to be honest Ethan is so demanding that i find it hard to get everything i need to do everyday done and have decent 'me' time. I have a 'to do' list on my fridge. It has been there since i think wednesday, its now friday night (11.18pm according to my computer clock)and i have only 2 things crossed off it. They were all supposed to be done on wednesday.
Oh and tomorrow i have 13 smocks to make to be ready for sunday! Lucky me.
I think i just need to go into a small room and scream my lungs out. Maybe that would make me feel better.


Rachelle said...

I hope your dh is ok. And scream if it helps! We're here for you!

ShelahBooksIt said...

Sometimes one is a lot harder than four. Hang in there, honey. No one expects you to cross off everything on your to-do list when your dh is in the hospital!

Steph said...

I quit writing to-do lists because I can never finish them. Maybe because I tend to put too much on them and maybe because my children seem to sense a to-do list in their presense and do everything in their power to thwart my good intentions, lol.

Pamela said...

You'll be a stronger women after this is all done!!
I hope your dh is doing better!!

emlouisa said...

If we were closer I would come over and pick up Ethan. He and A could play. I would leave them with dh and then come back over to your house and help you do everything on your to do list, plus some. (except for the smocks..I suck at sewing and you wouldn't want my help)

I am so so so sorry that everything is so stressful right now. Big hugs to you. Know that we are here and we LOVE you!